Pitching my film, "Fixated".

We were asked to create a presentation to pitch the concept of my movie, "Fixated". Below is the first draft of my pitch:





This is the presentation from the first draft:



List of feedback sheets for the first draft:

From examining the feedback I received, I went off and edited my pitch. These are the things I changed, based on feedback: 

• I settled with "Fixated" as my title, due to asking my classmates they all agreed on "Fixated" because it seems more intriguing and hooking. 
• I focused on adding less of a bulk of writing, as it's a pitch I don't want to be force-feeding too much information into the person's mouth, although a lot of information proves thorough planning but it's a lot to take in; therefore, I condensed information into bullet points where possible, and even went a step forward by highlighting key points in red.
• Also to make information more outstanding, I incorporated more photos to instantly convey my ideas. Such as photos of actors, directors and also my production/distribution company.
• As well as focusing more on my target audience as they will be the ones who will be watching this movie. I got told my target audience was "too broad" therefore, I narrowed it down and also added an age certificate as I forgot last time. Furthermore, on my first draft I had a slide dedicated to many types of target audiences from aspires to resigned, I got told to focus on one/two of these groups.
• My budget was apparently, "too high", I figured this out due to wanting Bon Iver's frontman, Justin Vernon, to create the soundtrack, as well as the actor and director costs, locations and mise-en-scene features the budget did seem a bit too low. Consequently, I increased the budget to £2.5 Million, I chose a British songwriter, Chris Martin, and also changed my actors to less-known actors but kept the director. 
• My narrative wasn't clear and concise, therefore I altered the slide to include a clearer run through of Ruby's dream and what she wants to achieve.